I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
soo... how was my night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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