thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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