I'm so fucking centered right now
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
