What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
