When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
