I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
