So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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