You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
