Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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