I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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