3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
