hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
