I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
