i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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