Your dad touched me again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
