i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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