If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
