my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
