WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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