Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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