The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
