There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
