The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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