Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
