I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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