If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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