matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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