Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
