What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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