playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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