He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
