I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Even my vagina gasped.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
