Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
