capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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