I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
