nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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