we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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