we made out on top of his cat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
