I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
