What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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