last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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