tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
