Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
