He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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