I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
