the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
