Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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