We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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