So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
