Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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