just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
