No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
