i would punch a child for taco bell
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
